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Smiley Zippy (:o)|||) Blog |
Oh hello so this is a blog. It always sounded so important and difficult but all it is is a web page that's updated sometimes with what you happen to be thinking about and assume other people might be interested in. Not that difficult at all really and you can just blather on about anything that you want to and pretend its important. Er I think they're supposed to be read from the bottom... And er, I guess, yes I do have that much time on my hands and erm, yes, I am that self indulgent :o| |
Blogging (November 18th 2007) Hey dudes, so I kinda realised that all the stupid emails I was sending out in the middle of the night and which seemed hilarious at the time, might not actually be that funny and may not be appreciated by my friends at 9am in the morning when they're trying to sort out their work and life and stuff. So... I thought I'd do one of those blog things that we've all heard so much about so I could put all my crazy nonsense in one place so my friends could opt-in or opt-out as they choose. It will be here when you want to dip in... Yes, I do intend to do some real work soon, I promise. |
The God Delusion (September 12th 2007) Hey dudes, I've updated one of my website pages to keep vaguely in touch with the atheism debate currently going on... http://www.interzone.ukf.net/smileyzippy/rationalism.htm :o) Chris |
Super Villains!! (July 11th 2007) What on earth do super-villains do in their spare time, when they're not conquering the galaxy??? "Hello, I'm Kevin, I'm a dalek, just finished a shift of extermination. Not much fun, really, bit of a drag. Met a nice cyberman though: Derek. We've arranged to meet up at Supervillains, the um, super-villians bar later. How's my hair?" As a part-time couch super-villain meself (sometimes i have to unwind from all the superhero activity) i reckon they play Risk together, probably online to decide who's the most super, uber, evilist, juvenile, nastiest, biggest, baddest, mthurfcrker of the galaxy. I would really, really like to play Risk with Ming the Merciless, The Evil Emperor, Darth Vador, Anubis and Peter Mandelson. That would be cool. Aha, there was a point to this email after all: www.worldsuperheroregistry.com/world_superhero_registry_gallery.htm www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wGR4-SeuJ0 www.interzone.ukf.net/cyberhead/curtains.htm |
SchleazyJet (July 3rd 2007) Hello boys and girls and welcome to SchleazyJet. I'm Captain Jack de Vrack de Whack and this is my co-pilot (and i'm pleased to say, my lover) Ronald. You are on the schleaziest and shexiest airline currently flying to Amshterdam as u know. We will be flying today to Amsterdam at goodness knows how many feet and i would ask you please to refrain from smoking the joints until the joint smoking light goes out and then of course everything is fine and sknuk will be freely available duty-free. Obviously you will have stripped down to your lingerie during the security process and we ask you to remain comfortable in your shexy underwear until we reach our destination. Shortly, there will be a demonstration of shexual shenannigans by our lovely Dutch stewardesses. If you have any questions or need any assitance or hand relief, please press the button and you will be taken care of as shoon as possible. If you could please take out the batteries from your shex toys during the takeoff and landing that would be very useful. Ronald and I don't want to be distracted during that time and would be grateful if u can wait until we land and we will join you all for the tri-sexual, multi-drug shensational party in the 'Dam. Once again, we thank u for flying with SchleazyJet and we hope u have a pleasant trip ;O) |
Priorities & Legacies (April 20th 2007) 'Tis a funny enough old business is it not? What should our priorities be? Are the old finances up to snuff? Are the we covered with the health cover? Is debt good or bad? Ooh, you're my bank are you?? Am I supposed to be buying or selling in the Algarve at the moment? Is this my beautiful house? What should we think of as our legacy? Grandchildren? How are we to look after ourselves and our parents? Am i succssful? Oh shit, what does successful mean anyway? Didn't the old parents mention something about it a while ago? Um, i'm sure it'll all turn out fine anyway. Oh buggerr, I think i'd better change me ways..... |
MCPD (January 29th 2007) Hi guys, I'm mailing to apologise for the dubious thoughts expressed in my last email. I wasn't myself when I wrote them. I'm sorry. I love you. The thing is that I suffer from Multiple Comedic Persona Disorder. It's very rare and so far only one person has been confirmed as having it. The symptoms are.. 1. A loosely programmed ego 2. A inquisitive mind 3. A capacity for laughter 4. A taste for humour 5. A sense of irony 6. A lack of status anxiety 7. A willingness to perform I should explain the way MCPD works... The trigger of the illness is when a sufferer discovers a new expression of comedy (a dvd or film for example) and enjoys it very much (too much - more than is statistically normal). Over the course of repititious viewings of the said amusing media, the sufferer appreciates and assimilates the comedy personas involved. This process may go on for several days or even weeks, while the sufferer absorbs the body language, intonations and attitude of the comedic personas. At the end of this process, the patient has absorbed the positive and negative aspects of the comedic personas chosen and may relax over a period of several days to complete the psychological assimilation proccess. Patients during this time should not be approached. Their responses to normal conversational openings may be apparently incoherent and frighting to the untrained. An accurate diagnosis of MCPD is vital. When you have observed the subject and feel confidant that you have a possible diagnosis of MCPD, you must immediately contact the local, council registered shaman. Shamen are especially trained to deal with humans who are going through existential crises, epiphanies and stuff like that. The vulgar and common descritpion of MCPD as "Roger Rabbit syndrome" is both fair and unfair. It is based upon the moment in 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit', when Eddie, played by Bob Hoskins, realises that Roger (the Rabbit) could have taken his hand out of the handcuffs keeping them together at any time... "No, it's not true, Eddy. I could only do it when it was funny." The amount of media coverage surrounding this very important illness, MCPD (which effects one in every million people - possibly your son or daughter) is minimal at the moment but a local paper in Rutland recently brought to light the court case of "Seinfeld" vs "Newman", when local magistrate, Judge Judy decided to have a kitkat instead of passing judgement on other people. Which was interesting. I now pronounce you to be a Pope. Yes, you are a Pope. Me too. www.maybelogic.com |
Great Boo's Up (January 29th 2007) Oh, bum, so you've noticed I'm an alcoholic. But I'm an artist dahling, I live by different rules!! "Stella!! Stella!! Unhand me my good fellow, don't you know I'm an actor. Stella!! Philistines!!!" Thank you so much, my good friends, for all the wonderful sugestions you have made about improving my health and lifestyle recently. I love you. I hadn't thought of any of them and I am so grateful for all the positive suggestions you have made. As a result I'll be... 01. Taking several herbal remedies, which promise to reduce alcohol craving. 02. Keeping a daily health diary of my moods (on a scale of plus or minus 5) and my alcohol intake. 03. Swimming. 04. Stopping drinking. 05. Playing tennis and/or badminton. 06. Getting a job. 07. Watching more comedy. 08. Tapping my emotional freedom meridians daily. 09. Watching less comedy and thinking about pensions. 10. Analysing my masturbatory fantasies. 11. Drinking organic beer. 12. Giving myself an organic juice enema at least four days a week. 13. Writing a script about the weirdest things that ever happened to me. 14. Talking to someone less intelligent and self-aware than I am about my life. I think these are all wonderful, brilliant ideas and i'll be persuing them to the best of my ability from now on! Thank you. I love you, Chris xxx |
Getting Older? (January 10th 2007) Hi Everybody, Attached is an article about Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton, which I think is particularly relevant with all the 40th birthdays that have happened recently and that are coming up. So, if your 40th is still to come, there's still time for you to run around collecting more status baubles before you cross the finishing line and the points are added up. The status winners and losers will all be announced on Friends Reunited and you can rate yourself against your peers and feel suitably big or small. Happy Hunting :o) Chris Status Anxiety |
Time to Evolve? (December 21st 2006) Just discovered how to do amazon lists. Not quite finished yet and meant to save this until the new year but I'm excited and wanted to splurge it to a few people in case I get run over by a bus... http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/richpub/listmania/fullview/RIFJ0Q21E9HE1 /ref=cm_lm_pthnk_view/026-7588943-8186865?ie=UTF8&lm%5Fbb= Great fun to do :o) |
Seasons Greetings! (December 14th 2006) Hi Peops, I hope you're well. So apparently there’s some fuss in the right-wing press about politically correct terminology for celebrating Christmas – The Daily Mail moaning about petty commissars insisting on neutral greetings that won’t offend non-Christian people. My impression (as a non-Christian) is that people of other faiths couldn’t give a flying fcuk about Christmas and are far more interested in celebrating their own religious festivals or traditions. So, just to get some historical perspective about the history of “Christmas”… Christian Christmas was invented by early Christian bishops between 300 – 600 A.D. to bolster their relatively new religion. Everybody celebrated mid-winter so these early Christian leaders decided to fix Christ’s birthday (which was unknown) as the 25th December in order to make it easier to co-opt others’ celebrations and assimilate them into the new faith. Modern Xmas: In the 19th century, the Victorians in England invented the idea of sending Christmas cards (possibly to promote the new penny postage of Queen Victoria). Coca-Cola in the U.S.A. reinvented “Father Christmas” in their own red and white brand colours. Other businesses jumped on the bandwagon, promoting gift-giving as a much needed seasonal economic boost, which has continued to this day (suck Santa’s c0ck!!). The original celebration: All cultures in touch with the seasons have celebrated midwinter (the winter solstice: 21st/22nd December) the shortest day of the year, after which the days begin to get longer again and the solar cycle is renewed and people can begin to look forward to a new year of growth and survival. People feasted on stocked-up food in the knowledge that times were going to get better again. So there you have it. I’ll be celebrating midwinter with lots and lots of food and drink with friends and looking forward to seeing more daylight again. I hope you have a great time too, with or without any cultural extras ;o) Merry Midwinter! Lotsa love, Chris x |
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Celebrate the Geek! (November 24th 2006) Lots of people who work in IT apparantly have Asperger's Syndrome (mild autism) to a greater or lesser degree, which makes sense as it allows them to concentrate on a single logical problem. So, here are two tests to find out if you too are a geek.... www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html www.thegeeksyndrome.com Re: Celebrate the Geek! (December 14th 2006) A big thank you to all those who sent in their test results. I have now tabulated them all in an Excel 2.0 spreadsheet (with graphs) and will continue my analysis of how exactly people work. I'm sure we're all geeky at some time or other and at different times of our lives. I, for example, was a philatalist as a child (make up your own jokes here) and have many geeky moments (although more OCD than Aspergers). I like geeks because they're different - often having quirky interests and specialisations and not giving a dam about small talk. Vive le Geek |
Whow this is the bottom of the page dude.... |